Friday, October 26, 2012

Living Will


I, ____________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of pinhead partisan politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or lawyers/doctors/hospitals interested in simply running up the bills.

If after a reasonable amount of time passes, and I fail to ask for: (Check appropriate items) ______
wine ______a Margarita ____ a Scotch and soda ______a Bloody Mary or a beer ______a Gin and Tonic _______a Glass of Chardonnay ______a Steak ______Lobster or crab legs ______the TV remote control ______a bowl of ice cream ______the sports page______ Sex Or______Chocolate ...........

It should be presumed that I won't ever get any better. When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, and call it a day. At this point, it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come and do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had.

Signature:__________________________ Date: _________________

*P.S.: I hear that in Ireland there is a Nursing Home with a Pub. The patients are happier, and they have a lot more visitors. Some of them don't even need embalming when their time comes. If anyone knows the name of this happy place, PLEASE pass it on.

Amendment #1:
Should I become incapacitated as described above, DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES PULL THE PLUG until after I have voted against Barack Obama by absentee ballot in the November 2012 election.

Signature:__________________________ Date: __________________

Amendment #2:
If Barack Obama accidentally gets re- elected just KINDLY PULL THE PLUG AS SOON AS POSSIBLE !!!

Signature:__________________________ Date: __________________ 


  1. Good one, and you're up EARLY this morning! :-) Happy FRIDAY!

    1. Same to you! Up early because in theory I get my Sante Fe back this morning.

  2. Replies
    1. Yeah, I'm still asking for several of the things listed, so I'd hate to have that cut off.

    2. I just meant the very last line..."re-elected" No, no, no.

  3. Replies
    1. You too! Looks like you are far enough west to not have Frankenstorm to worry about.

  4. That's great! And may the indumbent occupant & his teleprompter be booted out at the earliest opportunity.